Merry Christmas, Y'All ...

Yes, Merry Christmas to the 12 people that are following my blog. HAHA. Thought I'm pretty sure not all of you celebrates it, but still. :)

I didn't have any expectation last year for this year's Christmas. I didn't know what I wanted in my life, or whom I was going to find it out with.
I do remember staring at the sky, from my balcony, and thinking about Pete. As in, thinking what he was doing and how he's going to spend his Christmas -- just like what I did the year before.
I remember telling myself to not think about him again next year, which is this year. I was ready to let go.
But then, the unexpected happened.
Instead of letting go, I got him back. Without even trying.
Heh.
Life is funny that way, don't you think?
Right at this night, Christmas Eve, a year ago -- the one person I want to be with, came back.
And, from the looks of it, I think it's going to be a permanent thing.
:')

(More about that, click here)

And last year, I didn't think that I'd be celebrating this year's Christmas without my Dad.
We went to "see" him earlier today with my mom, brother, nephew and a few other relatives.
I didn't cry when I got there, but when my mom started singing his favorite (gospel) song, I can't stop my tears.
I cried in silence, under the umbrella my nephew was holding - because it was raining - and I can hear myself saying,"Dad, I miss you. I'm getting married next year, in April and you're going to be there. You promised me you'll get better because you're not gonna leave until you see me walk down that aisle. But ... you're not going to be there in April."
And then my mom started telling my dad about this and she started crying because she's been feeling overwhelmed with everything. Especially with that one particular legal problem.

We used to spend Christmas Eve or Christmas day together. Nothing special. He would just ask us to eat out. Have dinner at his favorite Chinese restaurant. I showed Pete the place when he was here. We had dinner with my brother, sister in law and nephew at the vegetarian restaurant next to it (because Pete was a vegetarian back then).
That was his favorite place.
And whenever all of us go out for a family dinner, he always asked me what I wanted. As in, I get to have one particular menu for myself. If I didn't want anything, he'd order the asparagus soup because he knew that was my favorite and I'd eat it anyway.

I'm going to miss that.

I miss you, Dad.

Not having you around this Christmas, and the ones after this, is just ... weird.

I wish when I wake up tomorrow, I can give you your Christmas hug just like I used to do.

I hope you're doing well there, wherever that is, Dad.

I love you.
Despite of everything, I do.