Strangers, again ..

Have you seen this short movie?
For a short film, I quite like it. It's not easy to make one. You'd have to be able to sum up everything you wanted to say in a short period of time. And in my opinion, the director managed to did just that. So, technically speaking, I find it quite good.

Now, if you've seen it, you'd probably able to relate to the stages the film's talking about. Right?
Some of you have probably been through those stages. Exactly like that.
Before I fell asleep last night, I sort of thought about ... things.
Relationship things.
One of the many things I'm never good at.
It's a gift, I know.
About, what if the future finally becomes the present.
Would it be as good as the present that is now the past?
You know what I mean?
I hope you do.
I always believe that people change. Either for the better or worse. It's safe to say that we all hope that the people around us will change for the good. But what if the good doesn't include us? Then it's not good (?).
People change.
Promises broken.
Lies.
Basically, shitty stuff.

I usually don't think about crap like this. I talk about it, but I just don't really think about it, y'know?
I know people (will) change. And usually, I just sit and wait until they do.
And when they do -- well, I walk away.
Usually, I refuse to be bothered with crap like this.
Usually.

It took me, one and a half year before I reached the final stage in that film, in my last relationship. That was 5 - ish years ago. I got tired of trying. So I said goodbye. We're still friends. Which also made me realise that we're better off that way. Much better.

I have never fear goodbyes.
In fact, that's the one thing I'm always ready for.
Sometimes, I'll even find ways to push forward the scene.
But not this time.

Things are different this time.
That's suppose to be a good thing.
A good stage.
For me, at least.
But I'm so used of waiting for things to fall apart even when I'm trying to keep it together, I feel like I'm ... not.

I'm not really sure what the hell am I trying to say exactly (that's also one of my gift. To ramble.).
I'm just scared that I'll fuck things up.
Again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And ... he (will) get tired of me fucking up then be looking for the door.

Geeez!
The things that are in my head right now ... are not healthy.
And I've been keeping bad thoughts about things, about people, for so long, I can't even find the "stop" button.

I've seen people that used to be so good together ended up hating each other's guts.
Watched how things that are once so warm and passionate turned cold and flat.
How to even be in the same room with that person feels like pure torture.
How "forever" turned itself again into just a word.
People change.

How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that? -- Cindy (Blue Valentine)

What sucks is, to know if they're going to change for the better or worse - and if we're still going to be a part of their lives afterwards - we'd have to wait.
Time gamble.

I just hope that me and him don't end up being "Strangers, again ".
As much as I'm ready for that ( it's a default setting ).

--- end of ramble ---






This is where you all say, " What the fuck was that, bitch? "