... and I miss him already.

9th of August 2011.
Around 8.30 PM later today, my boyfriend will land here, in Medan.
I am both excited and - I don't know - worried. I'm always worried about him. Especially when he's like a gazillion feet up in the air.

And being here, in front of my laptop, not talking to him on Skype or messaging via WhatsApp, I feel alone. Yeah, I know. Sounds a little pathetic. Maybe it's because, talking to him has become a part of days for 8 months now. More or less. Even when we first "knew" each other - almost 3 years ago - we always spent every day, talking to each other. I don't why we do that. Talk to each other. Every day. About everything. I mean, every little thing. And I don't why I'm okay with that. Usually I don't.
Maybe because before (him), I never thought they were worth knowing. That sounds a bit mean, yes? But true.
My closest friends knows the "road" I've taken to get here. The crap I've taken, the bruises - physically and mentally, and ... others.

A few people asked me,
" What changed? Why do you suddenly believe in love - a long distance one, even - and marriage? You? Actually saying "yes" to a marriage? Were you drunk? "

I never said I don't believe in love. I do. I just believe(d) that it's not meant for me. That I will just keep doing it wrong. With the wrong person.
I didn't believe in long distance relationship because I never believed in a relationship to begin with.
Let alone marriage.
How can I be married to someone if I don't even believe in a relationship? And for me, marriage is ... special. You don't just GET married, y'know? It takes commitment. And, before Pete - the poor man that is about to become my husband (HAHA) - I never wanted to be committed. I don't want to ruin that, so called, "sacred bond". Or something like that.
I dated, I became the girlfriend and stuff, but ... that's it.
I guess it's true what they say, when you find that person, you just know.

I knew I wanted to be with him since 3 years ago. I don't know how, I just do.
( Yes, you are allowed to vomit. )
And trust me, it wasn't easy to get here.
Definitely wasn't a walk in the park.
Even now, it's still not easy.
But it gets easier because, now, I know that both ways are working for it.

I've always imagined the worst.
That would end up marrying a guy I don't want just so I'd make my mom happy and that will shut the mouths that were asking,
" So, when are you going to get married? "
That's the worst scenario. Worse than dying alone.
But now, I just feel like the luckiest bastard in the world. HAHA.
Not because I have a boyfriend and I am marrying the man I'm in love with.
But also because he's my best friend.
You can find a lover for yourself. But to find a lover that is also your best friend?
Not that easy.

Everyday, when I talk to him, I take that as a reminder of how lucky I am. Because now, the future isn't so scary anymore. Because now, there's someone who will stay with me through it. Not just saying that he will, but he's actually doing it.

Yes, I am very well aware that I'm rambling out of my ass, but isn't that what a blog is for?

I just ... miss him already.
I know, I know. It's so lame, you're all ready to throw rocks at me.
But I'm not going to lie. I am happy.
Despite of all fights, arguments, difference of opinions, whatever -- I am still happy.
Because, we didn't use that as a reason to back out.
I hope we never do.
I hope they'll just make us better.
And stronger.
And happier.

I like this happiness.
Planning to keep it for a long time.

Thanks again, universe.
:)