He flew back to London at the 24th.
8.40 AM flight.
The night before, I remember thinking about the fact that tomorrow, I'll be alone again. I don't want to sound pathetic, but after spending 2 weeks with him, I just don't want to be alone again.
I remember hugging him from behind while he was packing and trying hard not to cry like a baby.
At that time, I feel like I'm being reminded how thankful I am to have him in my life. And how I can't wait to spend the rest of it, with him.
It was a long 2 weeks. We had to do a lot of stuff, talk about a lot of stuff, with a lot of people -- regarding the wedding. I know it's not going to get easier. More "chaos" to come. And I still wish that I didn't have to make him go through half of it.
I just want us to get married.
Yes, I do realise how tacky, lame or whatever, that may sound.
But that's the truth.
I wish we don't have to go through all the custom, traditional hassle. I don't want him to feel pressured or whatever. It's making me feel really bad, in a way.
And after he went back to London, I've been feeling a bit "off". I haven't been feeling like myself. My thoughts are just out of control. I've been having fears that I shouldn't be having anymore. Maybe because I'm used to being afraid rather than being safe. To feel insecure rather than secure.
Or maybe I'm in my PMS week.
I don't know.
This is also why I feel like I've been socializing way too much. I've been hanging out with too many people. More than I used to. More than I'm capable of. I feel like their words are starting to run around in my head. And that kind of supports the thoughts in my head lately.
If only there's a mute button for it.
Anyway,
this should help me to stop thinking nonsense, yes?
Btw, here's my ramble about the two weeks. It's in Indonesian. For the English side of the story, well, a little part of it, check out Pete's.
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