Thoughts :

1. I don't think I write as much as I used to on here. I don't know why. Truth be told, maybe because I never expect people to read this blog. Well, accept for my friends. That's like, obligatory. Otherwise, they're going to be such lousy friends. Of course you know I'm kidding, right? I used to write everything. Detailed, random, insignificant crap. I don't feel like doing that anymore. On this blog, I just feel like writing when I feel like my head is just too cluttered. Right now, maybe.
2. I had an idea of making an online magazine. Months ago. Just something that will work as a glass for me - and a friend - to 'pour' our ideas. Told Pete about it and he helped with the website. Which is more than I expected. Because, before, we just wanted to use blogspot. Nothing fancy. But I'm glad that he's being this supportive. One of the many reasons why I always feel blessed to have him in my life again. 
3. If everything works out, the magazine will be out next month. And every time I think about it, I get this weird, sick, feeling in my stomach. I'm scared and I'm not going to lie about that. But, I really want to do this. I'm so sick of people looking down on me and thinking I'm nothing but a doormat that they can step on. Just. Because. They. Can. It's going to a lot of work, but - by god - I hope it's worth it. I'm preparing myself to accept negative comments and everything else alike. Something that I think none of us will ever be ready for. Meh. And I hope the people that said they agreed to help, for free, aren't planning to change their minds. If they do, I'll be screwed twice. Both big time!
4. A couple of weeks ago, I'm reminded again that being nice to people doesn't always mean that they're going to be nice to you. I was deeply disappointed knowing that someone I've been trying to understand and share my empathy with ended up screwing me over. Big time. So much for that "friend" label I gave you, eh? That person is actually one of the reasons why I really hope things with the online magazine works out just fine. Doesn't have to work out awesomely or anything like that. I'm settling for just 'fine'.
5. I've been missing my boyfriend - Pete - like crazy lately, it's ridiculous. Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts. It actually hurts. I've never been missed someone to that level before. Never. It's making me act all childish and shit. I freakin' hate it. I just can't wait for April. It's not just because we're going to get married in April. It's more because I can't wait to start a new life. With someone I want to spend it with. In a new place where everything will be like an adventure. Although, when I think about it, it kinda scares me a little. Being alone in a new place with no friends but him - and Dave, his older brother ( who has been really nice to me, by the way ...). It could either be awesome or fuckin' horrible. But, I'm still excited. I think I'm done living my life for others except for myself. And I'm already too tired of this place and the people with the "oh-I-know-you-better-than-you-know-yourself" stupid attitude. No offense, but most of you Indonesians are like that. If I'm wrong, sue me. 
6. But despite of everything, I am still very thankful for my friends. My real, true friends. Who has been helping me a lot the last week, without them even knowing. Rini, Eryka, thank you.            And, of course, you too, Pete. 

I love you.

:)

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