So, as I'm listening to Paramore's The Only Exception (it's on repeat, by the way), I remember a conversation I had with a friend. I'm not going to tell you her name, because she's *kind of* famous.
Oh yeah, babies. I hang out with them famous people. Mwahahaha~
*chokes*
Anyway,
I remember us talking about this guy she saw when she was hosting this off-air event, here, in Medan. And how she thought he was cute.
From there, we started talking about her boyfriend (now EX boyfriend. Sorry, man!) and before we know it, we were exchanging love stories.
From the first time I read her tweets, I know we can have a really good and interesting conversation while sippin' coffee. And I was right.
That was our second meeting. The first one, her mom (awesome lady!) tagged along. So we didn't really talk much. Hey, as cool as a mother can be, there are still lines, right?
So this second time, that conversation, was unintended. But I'm glad it happened.
She was the one that told me the difference between a soul-mate and a life-mate. And how most people aren't lucky enough to have someone who can be called, both of those things.
Some people ended up spending the rest of their lives, with their life-mate. But not their soul-mate.
Please understand that I don't really believe in the whole concept or understanding of a soul-mate.
Well, maybe I don't like how people define and then made it over-rated. I have own understanding of that. Probably a little bit different from what others got.
But that's not the point.
Point was - and still is - that we both agreed that there's nothing more sad than having to spend your life with someone you don't want to spend it with.
Some people might "negotiate".
I know quite a lot of people (all women) that don't mind getting married to someone they don't really want to just because that person is financially stable, more good looking than the one she actually wants to be with or because her family wants her to.
I don't blame them. I don't think they're shallow.
Sometimes, we do things that we think is right. At that time.
With reasons, we thought, was enough. Again, at that time.
My mom used to tell me stories that my dad wasn't the one she wants to be with. But her mom, my grandma, was sure that he's the one she's suppose to be with. Years of marriage, I've always believed that mom think of dad as her life-mate.
But for the last month, while dad is in the hospital, I'm not so sure anymore.
Maybe it's because they've spent way too many years together that he is slowly changing to her soul-mate.
Maybe it's because, despite of his many flaws, dad did a great job being the head of the family.
He's not the perfect kind - and I'm not going to elaborate on that - but he did provide and protect his family.
He did taught me a lot of things that I hold on to and plan to do so in the future.
Maybe now, my mom realised that, even though he's not her soul-mate, he's more than just a life-mate.
I'm not sure anymore what I'm trying to say here (HAHA!)
Okay. Maybe I just wanted to ramble about, there will always going to be options. And that people change. Either for the best or the worst.
What's important is commitment.
Something I haven't been getting nor feel like doing for ... years now.
Until recently, of course.
:)
You either know who you want to be with, or you don't.
That's why I can never understand someone that says s/he doesn't know what s/he wants.
Of course you do.
Sometimes, the things around you just - sort of - blurred it out.
I know I've been with someone that I don't want to just so I don't feel alone. And yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that.
Of course, that wasn't a part of my "World Greatest Decisions".
But hey, like I said, at that moment -- I thought it was the right thing to do.
And sometimes, we need to go through some shit before knowing/getting what we truly deserve.
Back to what I was saying ( or ... rambling would be more appropriate ), most people aren't lucky enough to have that one person who they can call, both, a life-mate and a soul-mate.
For me, those two are just terms. Labels.
I just want to be with someone I can also call my best friend.
Someone who makes me want to be a better person without even trying or saying anything.
Someone who knows that, a relationship, whatever kind it might be, requires hard work from both sides as much as it needs commitment.
And just based on those simple things, I can say that I'm at the happiest place of my life right now.
Relationship - wise.
And trust me, it wasn't easy for me to "get" here. It took two painful years with a lot of awful, AWFUL, choices.
What I'm trying to say is ...
oh, nevermind.
I'm sure you're already getting them by now.
If not, I'm sorry.
It's 2 am and brain isn't up to its maximum performance.
Hehe.
So, go out there and see what you can find. There will always be choices. Don't be afraid to take the wrong one(s). Because that will, eventually, lead you to the right one. Or at least made you a better and stronger person until you do.
Okay.
That will be all.
PS :
I love you, boyfriend.
*dilempar sendal dari seluruh penjuru mata angin*
Mwahahahaha~
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