It still feels kind of weird. I still like to at stare our back terrace, imagining he's there. Because that's like his favorite place in the house. There and in front of the tv.
It's not easy, but so far, I'm managing it quite well.
The sadness, the loss.
I have friends to thank for that. I can't write down all their names, but I'm hoping, they know who they are. I've been blessed with such great people I can call friends.
But, most of all, I'd like to thank you, Peter Alastair Lancaster.
For being there with me since day one.
For wasting three days of your life chasing flights from there to here.
Just to be with me.
For those afternoons you spent, while you were here, at the hospital.
With me.
Holding my hand, stroking my back when I feel like crying while I stare at my dad in that ICU bed.
For asking how he was doing every day, before you got here and after you got back.
For the smiles you, somehow, always put on my face even when I thought I can't do that. Even when I was crying.
Thank you for not freaking out when my mom was asking you questions, that I have to translate back and forth, and when my family members were asking questions about you to me.
Thank you for being here.
Even when you are there.
Thank you for constantly reminding me that I'm not alone.
And I will never be alone anymore.
You are the right out of all my wrongs.
You are that one element, the good kind, in my life that just balances everything else that is bad in life.
I still remember when you said, that maybe, this is how things are suppose to be.
Meaning that, when my dad was in the hospital, that's the right time for us to finally meet. For me to tell my mom and brother about you. For us to realise something that's been there for a long time but we just, sort of, ignored. Or maybe just you. You've ignored.
And those things we've talked about - or, those things we talk about almost everyday - I meant every word. Just so you remember.
An instagram you shared with me last Sunday. When I saw it, I cried. Not only because I realised dad was gone, but also because I felt loved.
That's what you do to me.
To be able to still feel okay even when things are, actually, shitty.
And that is why I love you.
And that is why I will say "yes".
So, you better not forget to ask the question.
:)
" I believe in memories because they look so,
So pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together " -- Jack Johnson, Better Together.
Suddenly, the future doesn't seem so scary anymore.
:)
( I still have so many things I want to say in this post. But I don't want to make people who are reading this, vomit.
Or maybe you have already? Hehe ... )
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