Sins of My Youth

I've been listening to a lot of Neon Trees today. Started out with me wanting to do a little "research" about this band. Not only because I'll be watching them live *fingers crossed* this July, but because I need to know if they're good enough to be put in my "Interview Wishlist" that I have to give the Event Organizer. Long story that one. Let's skip it.

I have so many things in my head. Things that - I know - are real. Others - I'm aware - are not. It's like, my head is playing with again for the last few days. Just like it used to. Which isn't really nice.
Maybe I'm just tired.
Maybe it's the insecurities.
Maybe it's the people around me.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe ...
Maybe ...
Maybe ...

It's like, the more I try to be better at something, the more I feel like I'm failing.
A couple of nights ago, I actually fell asleep feeling talentless. Which basically made me feel like shit. Literally. Shit. Not good. Never good.

The more I try to understand something, the more I ended up causing trouble.
Arguments.
Every time I feel like wanting to know about something, I ended up regretting it.
But I can't seem to just fucking ignore the questions.
Questions I'm dared to ask.
Answers waiting to just punch me in the face.
Sometimes.

I hate these voices in my head.
I hate feeling like my mind has its own mind.

I hate these insecurities.
This fear of, one day, being bitch-slap by karma.
I hate thinking about bad stuff.
Negativity.
Pessimism.

Past.
Present.
Future.

It's the "past continuous" that I fear the most.

What the fuck am I talking about?
If I know the answer to that, I wouldn't be feeling like smashing my head against the wall right now.
Trust me.

Why do I have to be such an over-thinker?
WHY!?
My head is so cluttered right now, I feel like crying.
......
Maybe I'm just tired.


I was going to write something related to Neon Trees' Sins Of My Youth.
I have obviously failed.
Big time.

*sigh*

I'm such an emotional mess.
Alright.
I'm gonna go cry it out now.